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This Is Tense

Becca Griffith

 

(4 people: Scrooge, Past, Present, Future)

 

(Scrooge starts out getting ready for bed, mumbling to self)

PAST:              (walks in)  Oooooh!

SCROOGE:    What’s that? Who’s there?

PAST:              Oooooh!

SCROOGE:    Hello? Hello?

Past:                Boo!

SCROOGE:    Aaaaaa!

PAST:              Geez, relax. You’re so high-strung.

SCROOGE:    Who are you? How did you get in my house?

PAST:              I’m here to remind you of your past.

SCROOGE:    My past? Are you some kind of ghost?

PAST:              Do you remember when you were younger and your mom was broke and bought you an avocado for your birthday and you threw a fit because you’re selfish?

SCROOGE:    Well, yeah.

PAST:              And remember when you lost that spelling bee? And that race a few days later? And then the interview contest and the essay contest after that? And you decided you’re a failure?

SCROOGE:    Yeah…

PAST:              And do you remember that one time Bella asked you to go to church with her and some kids at school found out and made fun of you and you decided church isn’t for you?

SCROOGE:    (mad) Yeah! 

PAST:              Remember that one time your grandma made you the best hot chocolate in the world and you took a sip, burnt your tongue, and spilled it everywhere?

 

SCROOGE:    Yeah?

PAST:              That was funny!

SCROOGE:    Get out! Get out of my house!

(Past runs away)

PRESENT:       (walks up behind scrooge) Boo.

SCROOGE:     AAAAHH!!

(Present is silent)

SCROOGE:     Why?

PRESENT:       Oh, sorry… boo!

SCROOGE:    (flinches) Stop that. Who are you? Are you with that other guy?

PRESENT:      Oh, right! I’m here as a reminder of your present self.

SCROOGE:    Perfect!

PRESENT:      (walks around quietly) Nice place you got here. I noticed you have a pretty big house for somebody that lives alone.

SCROOGE:    I like my privacy.

PRESENT:      Oh! I got an idea! 

(Present runs around to the door and knocks. Scrooge is confused but opens the door)

PRESENT:      Hello, sir! Have you heard about my Lord and personal Savior, Jesus Christ?

SCROOGE:    What are you doing?

PRESENT:      Okay, how about this one? (fluffs hair) Hi, I’m Bella. Do you wanna go to church?

SCROOGE:    What?

PRESENT:       Dude, I’m trying to drop hints here, and you’re not getting it.

SCROOGE:    Wait, what?

PRESENT:      You’re not understanding my phraseology. You’re not smelling what I’m stepping in… (when he still doesn’t get it) You’re not picking up what I’m putting down. And if you don’t pick it up soon… (walks backwards slowly, stupid creepy)

SCROOGE:    What? What’s gonna happen? Hey!

FUTURE:        Oob!

SCROOGE:    Not this again. Wait, what did you say?

FUTURE:        Oob? It’s boo, backwards. It’s gonna be a thing one day. (pause) Anywho, I am the future!

SCROOGE:    Please tell me you have something good to say.

FUTURE:         Weeeeell… (looooooong pause) Oh! Your dad got a promotion!

SCROOGE:    That’s great! But what about me?

FUTURE:         Um… your brother went to college!

SCROOGE:    I’m glad, I didn’t think he was gonna graduate. But what about me?

FUTURE:        Uh… Remember that girl Bella? She’s happily married with 3 kids.

SCROOGE:    To me?

FUTURE:         No, she met someone at church.

SCROOGE:    Oh, come on!

FUTURE:         Well, I don’t have anything good to say about you. In the future, you’re alone, you’re mad all the time, and every time God tries to help you, you say no!

SCROOGE:    Are you trying to tell me my life sucks because I don’t go to church?

FUTURE:         No! But if you seek out God, He will help you. This is your wake up call. Open up your heart and let Jesus work in your life. That bitterness and anger will start to fade away. And for the first time in a long time, you will feel peace and love.

(silence)

FUTURE:         Oh! There is one good thing in the future!

SCROOGE:    Really? What is it?

FUTURE:         You got a puppy!

END