(2 people; Jesus and Donny. Jesus offstage, Donny standing center stage with 2 chairs knocked over around him. Donny is on the phone)
DONNY: Yeah, I'll be there. This is gonna be a wild party. Listen, if you can get the girls there, then I'll bring the beer. No issue, I can handle it. Can you handle it?
JESUS: (never speaks; walk up to "door" and knock)
DONNY: Listen, I got to go, there's someone at the door. It's probably my ride. (walk up to the door, open it, scream, shut it) Oh no no no! He cannot be here right now. It must have been my imagination. (open the door again, shut it just as quickly) It's is Him. I can't believe this. Okay, I gotta clean up. (pick up the chair and set them beside each other as if cleaning your house) Okay okay. I can handle this. (go back to door, open it up) Jesus! Coming to visit me! How are you? Come in, come in. Have a seat.
JESUS: (sit down, still not saying anything. Keep facial expression to a minimum as well)
DONNY: (sit beside him for a moment) How are you? How's your dad? (pause when he doesn't respond) Oh! Where are my manners? What kind of a host am I? You're probably thirsty. (go to a "fridge") I've got a lot to drink in here. I've got some milk? How about so coke? Juice? I've got some bud light- (freeze, realize what you said) Lightyear! Buzz Lightyear! My nephew comes to visit sometimes and he left his Buzz Lightyear in the fridge. You don't need a drink anyways right. You are the living water.
JESUS: (still don't say anything)
DONNY: TV! You wanna watch TV? (pick up a "remote" and flip through channels) No. No. (pause) No. Ooo! This is my favorite movie! Bloody McBlood Bath! See that girl? She's running through the woods. And that guy is chasing her with a knife and he's gonna (stop, look at Jesus) He's gonna carve her name into a tree to show how much he loves her. You wouldn't wanna watch TV anyways. It's pretty boring. Oh! Books! You like reading, right? You even wrote your own book. Now, where did I put my Bible? (look around as if you own one or know where it is; whistle for it) Here Bible Bible Bible. (whistle again) Huh, it must've sprouted legs and walked off. It is the living Word after all. Tell you what. I've got magazines. We can read those instead. (pretend to pull magazines up from beside you) I've got Life. You created that. I've got Time. You created that too. I've got People. Funny, there seems to be a theme here. I've got PlayBoy- (freeze, realize what you said) Play DOE! I've got play doe. Again, my nephew leaves that stuff everywhere.
JESUS: (not responding, just watching)
DONNY: (feels awkward, makes honking noise with mouth) Oh Jesus, you know what? That's probably my ride. I'm going to a p-p-prayer meeting. And you wouldn't wanna go to that? You'd just be sitting there while we talk like, "I knew that. I knew that. I definitely knew that." So you wait here, I'm gonna go. (get up and head to door)
JESUS: (follow behind him and put a hand on his shoulder)
DONNY: No, Jesus. You wait here. It's gonna be awkward if you show up to our prayer meeting. We're trying to seek your face. So if you come, then there'll be no seeking. We'll just stare at you the whole time. So stay here, okay? (get up to go again)
JESUS: (follow behind and put a hand on his shoulder)
DONNY: Alright, Jesus. It's not a prayer meeting. I'm going to a party. There's gonna be drugs. There's gonna be drinking. And there's gonna be girls. I don't want you to see me do that stuff. So please, stay here. (try to leave)
JESUS: (follow and grab him again)
DONNY: (pause this time, building up anger) Jesus, you're not listening. I'm never gonna be what you want me to be. I don't want to give up drinking or drugs or girls. I give you Sundays! I give you Wednesdays some times too! Isn't that enough? Leave me alone! (grab one of Jesus's hands and nail it to the cross)
DONNY: (cross over to the other side) I'm going to this party and you can't stop me. So stay here! (crucify other hand)
DONNY: (act nonchalant like it's no big deal) I'm sorry, Jesus. I'm just tired and I need some me time. Just wait here and I'll be back later. (walk to door, look at crowd) What are you looking at? You do it too.