Micah & Chris Wineland, Mary Halter, Dillon Heiserman
(a phone in the middle of the stage starts ringing then Lauren walks in picks up the phone. Satan is voiced over a microphone)
(there is just creepy breathing)
Lauren: Who is this? (still breathing) Who is this?!
Satan: It’s your friend. (Who talks with a hiss)
Lauren: Fred I don’t know any Fred’s (there is a lot of panic in her voice)
Satan: No friend
Lauren: I don’t have those ether!
Satan: It’s Satan!
Lauren: Satan what?!
Lauren: What do you want from me?
Satan: I just want to chat
Lauren: You want my cat?
Satan: No, I want to chat
Lauren: Really about what?
Satan: I have this little secret
Lauren: A What? A secret?
Satan: Yeah, a secret. Yeah whisperings. It’s on the DL so come in a little closer.
Lauren: Is this close enough?
Lauren: Wait can you see me?
Satan: No…. but that polo with those jeans?....hmm.
Lauren: What the secret?
Satan: Your sister
Lauren: What about her?
Satan: She thinks you're ugly!
Lauren: What she does?
Satan: Yes hideous (makes tongue noise)
Lauren: OH NO my sister thinks IM UGLY! Hideous even? I’m a beast of a woman! Wait a second I don’t have a sister. Satan, your lying to me
Satan: Well even if you did… she’d probably hate you.
Lauren: that’s it I’m hanging up!
Satan: Wait! Wait! I have a surprise for you
Lauren: No, you are just going to lie to me again
Satan: Oh, come one I was just being a little silly
Lauren: Well I wasn’t laughing
Satan: Oh, you want to laugh?
Satan: Perfect. What is Satan’s favorite fabric?
Satan: What is Satans favorite fabric?
Satan: What am I not on speaker phone? What. Is. Satans. Favorite. Fabric?
Lauren: No I heard you but I don’t know the answer.
Satan: Satin. Get it satin… Satan
Lauren: And on that note…(goodbye)
Satan: No, no, wait no remember the surprise?
Lauren: Oh really a surprise? Oh wait… No, you just going to lie to me
Satan: I have never told a lie
Lauren: I feel like you did…didn’t you?
Satan: You know your neighbor Russel?
Lauren: Yeah, I use to hear him yell at his plants in his front yard
Satan: Yes, he is going to be your husband
Lauren: I am going to marry Russel?
Satan: Yes, and he is proposing tonight
Lauren: Tonight? On a Tuesday??
Satan: Yes, better get ready what are you going to wear?
Lauren: I don’t know! Im not prepared! Whats my best outfit?
Satan: You don’t have one.
Lauren: You're right!
Satan: Honey those nails!
Lauren: AHH! Wait a second Russel is in the mental institute until next summer!
Satan: Oh shucks….you caught me I was lying again..
Lauren: So I have plenty of time to get ready.
Satan: Im just joking. You’ll never get married.
Lauren: Okay, I’m gonna let you go.
Satan: Wait don’t you want to know the secret?
Satan:: ….The more I think about it… I don’t actually prefer Satin.. Im more of an Egyptian cotton kind of devil. I mean it gets so humid in the summer and I need to breathe.
Lauren: Is that the secret?
Satan: No just commentary.
Lauren: Devil if you don’t tell me the secret then Im hanging up right now!
Satan: You already know the secret silly.
Lauren: I do?
Satan: After all its your secret.
Lauren: It is? What secret do you know?
Satan: (sing songy) I know your secret your dirty little secret
Satan: if anyone found out they wouldn’t love you.
Satan: I don’t think Im the one who needs to stop.
Lauren: No. You're lying.
Satan: Am I?
Lauren: I didn’t want any of this.
Satan: And yet you didn’t stop it.
Satan: And honestly you like it. Otherwise why would you go back. Again. And again. And again. Admit it.
Satan: Go on. No one will ever love you.
Lauren: No one….
Satan: Get it off your chest.
Satan: SAY IT!!!
Lauren: No one will ever love me.