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Routines

Becca Griffith

 

(Three chairs sit on the stage in a row. A long-time church lady, Lauren, walks up from behind the row with her bible.)

 

LAUREN:       (counting out loud) Row two, seat.... two.

 

(Lauren sits down in seat one with displeasure as she notices an unfamiliar face, Amanda, sitting in her seat)

 

LAUREN:       Hi... You must be new here.

 

AMANDA:    (Smiles) Yeah, actually I am!

 

LAUREN:       Because you're sitting in my seat.

 

AMANDA:    What?

 

LAUREN:       Could you move over one seat?

 

AMANDA:    Well I'm actually saving this spot for-

 

LAUREN:       Well, you see I just need the space--(Roughly pushes wife to third seat)

 

AMANDA:    You don't understand, I really was saving--

 

LAUREN:       (isn't listening) You see I have this routine! Every Sunday morning I wake up 6 o'clock. I put one one shoe, two show, hop in my subaru. Turn on the christian radio to get in the mood for Jesus. Park in the shaded parking spot. Make my way to the church door where I'm greeted by Gary the greeter and he says, "It is such a pleasure to have you in service this morning miss (last name)". And I say, "Oh Gary stop!". I make my way down the isle. Row two, seat two, this is my spot and I don't plan on moving. 

 

AMANDA:    Um, ok, but you see I--

 

(Micah enters in a weird way; this can be a weird character, make it yours)

 

MICAH:         Hi, (Lauren)!

 

LAUREN:       Hi...

 

MICAH:         Well, I saw you over here sitting in your same spot like you do every Sunday and I thought it might nice if you joined me! 

 

LAUREN:       Well, you know I have my routine and I tell you every Sunday but I guess I'll tell you again (tells routine and other person copies routine motions exactly)

 

MICAH:         Yes I know, but what's so funny about that being your seat is that your name isn't inscribed on the back.

 

LAUREN:       That's true, I guess, but everyone knows this is my spot

 

MICAH:         OK, well maybe I can entice you with some rice crispies that I snuck in!

 

LAUREN:       Wow. (seems convinced) But no I'm good.

 

MICAH:         Well, I tried. Guess I'll try again next Sunday!(leaves)

 

LAUREN:       Haha! Please, don't.

 

MICAH:         You should go sit with your friend...

 

LAUREN:       No, that's ok...(come up with an excuse)

 

(Husband comes in irritated)

 

HUSBAND:    Honey, I thought you were going to save me a seat! 

 

AMANDA:     I did! It's just- she's really pushy, but you sit here and I'll sit over there. (gets up, but husband sets her back down)

 

HUSBAND:    No, if I'm coming to church I'm gonna sit next to my wife, I'll talk to her. Excuse me miss, could you move over just one seat so I can sit next to my wife?

 

LAUREN:        No, I have this routine, and since you're new, I'll tell you. (tells routine)

  

HUSBAND:    So, you're telling me you won't move over? One seat?

 

LAUREN:       That's exactly what I'm telling you.

 

HUSBAND:    (take time to react) You see this?! (talking to wife but pointing at routiner) This is why I don't come to church! It's people like this that just get in the way! (storms out)

 

AMANDA:     No, honey, wait! (runs after husband but stops midway. Slowly turns towards lauren) My husband hasn't been to church in years! I've prayed day after day for this, and today he finally came. But you wouldn't move over one seat! It's just a seat! (storms out after husband)

 

(Lauren looks at where wife exited, then to the seat next to her and moves over.) 

 

THE END