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Bethany Linder

(2 characters; Tracy & Theo. Tracy starts standing on Theo's back)

THEO:      What do you see?

TRACY:     I see trees, people, more trees...

THEO:      Tracy, do you see anything important? Like, I don't know, a way to get out?

TRACY:     Oh... no, I don't.

THEO:      Then get off!

TRACY:     Fine then.

THEO:      Another night in jail.

TRACY:     Want to see something funny?

THEO:      Sure.

TRACY:     (sing song) Yoohoo! Roman soldier! Heeeeey! Are you missing something? (to Theo) Watch this! (to the Roman Soldier) Your handkerchief perhaps? (wave around a tissue) Come and get it... Hey! Did you hear me? I have your handkerchief!

THEO:      Stop it. You're just embarrassing yourself.

TRACY:     But did you see his face? He was so confused. He didn't even know I had his handkerchief.

THEO:      Tracy, you should have grabbed the keys! They were in the same pocket!

TRACY:     I didn't want to get in trouble.

THEO:      Where are we right now?

TRACY:     Jail?

THEO:      I'm pretty sure we're already in trouble.

TRACY:     We aren't gonna be here long are we? I have plans tomorrow.

THEO:      That's nice. Lunch with your mom again?

TRACY:     Yes... Why do I always let you talk me into getting in trouble?

THEO:      Because you're my friend and that's what friend do?

TRACY:     I think we went too far this time.

THEO:      Nah, we're good. My father used to hide and sneak all the time. He never got caught.

TRACY:     The children's game? Hide and seek?

THEO:      No, hide and sneak. (pretend to be stealing things)

TRACY:     Oh, that makes sense.

THEO:      Just think, tomorrow we will be out in town, living it up. Robbing places. Relaxing, letting the sun kiss our faces.

TRACY:     Eating lunch with my mom!

THEO:      Eating lunch with your mom...

TRACY:     Yeah, okay. But...

THEO:      But?

TRACY:     We stole a lot of stuff.

THEO:      And? A lot of people steal?

TRACY:     Who's house did we rob last night? Was it Joseph son of Loseph?

THEO:      Hm... no.

TRACY:     Was it Obed son of Hobed?

THEO:      Definitely not.

TRACY:     Was it Saul son of Daul?

THEO:      I think so! Wait, no. That was last week.

TRACY:     (pause) Oh! It was Kyle!

THEO:      That's right. The only thing you should be sorry for is getting us caught.

TRACY:     How was I supposed to know that she was such a light sleeper? That was woman looked like Lazarus walking out of the grave. I don't know who was more scared. Her, me, or the camel!

THEO:      I love my job. Always an adventure.

TRACY:     This isn't really a job, Theo.

THEO:      Sure it is!

TRACY:     Like how?

THEO:      We work the night shift, we have a special skill set, and we get money. Definitely a job.

TRACY:     Theo, people worked really hard for that stuff.

THEO:      And so do we! And since when did you grow a conscience? You know as well as I do that you'll be doing this again tomorrow. Stop acting so holy.

TRACY:     I just can't stop thinking about what that Jesus guy said. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.

THEO:      He wasn't talking about us.

TRACY:     Maybe not. But that's all we've ever done.

THEO:      Hey! I'm not a murderer!

TRACY:     No! I'm just saying that we-

THEO:      We're what?

TRACY:     We've hurt people.

THEO:      I don't want to talk about this anymore.

(sit in silence for a moment)

TRACY:     What is going on out there? Do you hear that? Here, Theo, give me a boost.

THEO:      (let Tracy stand on back) What's going on?

TRACY:     I can't really see... Wait... There's three crosses... Someone's gonna be crucified... wait... It's Jesus!

THEO:      Ha! That guy caused such an uproar. They've been wanting to stone him since he got here. Guess it finally caught up to him.

TRACY:     What? Why? He hasn't done anything wrong.

THEO:      He's a liar and a-

TRACY:     Theo. Theo. Theo... There are soldiers headed towards us.

THEO:      What do you mean?

TRACY:     Three crosses. Jesus... You and me.

THEO:      No! We didn't do anything wrong! We don't deserve to be crucified!

TRACY:     No, Theo. We do. Jesus said-

THEO:      Shut up! I don't want to talk about him! If he really is the Son of God then he wouldn't be on that cross, would he? Forget about him!

TRACY:     Theo, I think He's telling the truth. We need him.

THEO:      Shut up! You know what? I don't need you! I don't need him! Just shut up! (yell in anger and then bow out)

TRACY:     (take a couple steps towards the audience, raise your arms into the shape of a cross, look up) Jesus... please remember me.


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