(Sketch begins with New Man walking on stage while the Old Man is following closely behind him.)
NEW MAN: Leave me alone! Go away. Leave me alone! Can’t you just leave me alone, Old Man?
OLD MAN: Look, New Man, I can’t leave you alone. You need me.
NEW MAN: No, I don’t need you! I’m going to go read my Bible.
OLD MAN: You need more muscles, don’t you? The only way to build them up is to eat.
NEW MAN: Well, I am a little hungry.
OLD MAN: There’s some pizza in the refrigerator. Why don’t you go get it?
NEW MAN: You know, Old Man, pizza is my favorite. And I am hungry, so let’s eat.
(Mimes opening a refrigerator, he pulls out the pizza and begins to devour it.)
OLD MAN: That’s it! (jumps on New Man’s back) Eat! Eat! Eat! Feed that flesh!
NEW MAN: (stops) Wait a minute. You want me to feed my flesh and not my Spirit?
OLD MAN: Yeah!
NEW MAN: No! (Shakes the Old Man off. Old Man falls to the floor)
OLD MAN: Ow! Help me up, would you?
NEW MAN: (Reaches down and helps Old Man up) You’re getting a little weak there, Old Man.
OLD MAN: Yeah, and you’re getting strong. I wouldn’t be so weak if you’d stop using that word.
NEW MAN: What word? You mean “No?”
OLD MAN: Ouch! Yeah, that one.
NEW MAN: Well, I am going to go pray, and you can’t stop me.
OLD MAN: (Grabs New Man and pulls him back) Wait! Who are you going to pray to?
NEW MAN: God of course. Who else? Why?
OLD MAN: When you go pray to God, don’t you feel like you’re talking to a wall? What you need is someone you can talk to… like a girl. How about Becky?
NEW MAN: I haven’t talked to Becky in a while.
OLD MAN: Maybe you forgot what she looks like. Here, let me remind you; blonde hair…
NEW MAN: Blonde hair…
OLD MAN: Blue eyes…
NEW MAN: Blue eyes…
OLD MAN: And perfect teeth!
NEW MAN: Perfect teeth….
OLD MAN: Why don’t you call her up and talk to her? Talk to Becky and not God.
NEW MAN: (Mimes picking up a telephone. Old Man jumps on New Man’s back again) Hello, Becky? (Hangs up phone) Wait a minute! Spend time with Becky, and not with God? No. (Shakes the Old Man off. Old Man falls to the floor) Now, I am going to go read my Bible and pray, so just leave me alone. Okay?
OLD MAN: Fine. Leave me.
NEW MAN: Wait. You’re going to leave me alone?
OLD MAN: Yeah, if you want to be boring. Remember Jimmy? All your friends are going to this party he's throwing tonight. There's gonna be drugs, drinking... girls! The whole shamboozle!
NEW MAN: I love Shamboozles!
OLD MAN: Right! So, onward to Jimmy's house! (jumps on New Man's back)
NEW MAN: (realizes) Wait a minute. No!
OLD MAN: (falls off and to the ground)
NEW MAN: No! No! No! I am not going to allow this anymore. I am a new creation in Christ and the old things – that’s you – have passed away. Now you play dead and leave me alone! (exits)
OLD MAN: I hate it when he says that.