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New Man

1st Gen. 

(Sketch begins with New Man walking on stage while the Old Man is following closely behind him.)

NEW MAN:    Leave me alone! Go away. Leave me alone! Can’t you just leave me alone, Old Man?

OLD MAN:     Look, New Man, I can’t leave you alone. You need me.

NEW MAN:    No, I don’t need you! I’m going to go read my Bible.

OLD MAN:     You need more muscles, don’t you? The only way to build them up is to eat.

NEW MAN:    Well, I am a little hungry.

OLD MAN:     There’s some pizza in the refrigerator. Why don’t you go get it?

NEW MAN:    You know, Old Man, pizza is my favorite. And I am hungry, so let’s eat.

(Mimes opening a refrigerator, he pulls out the pizza and begins to devour it.)

OLD MAN:     That’s it! (jumps on New Man’s back) Eat! Eat! Eat! Feed that flesh!

NEW MAN:    (stops) Wait a minute. You want me to feed my flesh and not my Spirit?

OLD MAN:     Yeah!

NEW MAN:    No! (Shakes the Old Man off. Old Man falls to the floor)

OLD MAN:     Ow! Help me up, would you?

NEW MAN:    (Reaches down and helps Old Man up) You’re getting a little weak there, Old Man. 

OLD MAN:     Yeah, and you’re getting strong. I wouldn’t be so weak if you’d stop using that word.

NEW MAN:    What word? You mean “No?”

OLD MAN:     Ouch! Yeah, that one.

NEW MAN:    Well, I am going to go pray, and you can’t stop me.

OLD MAN:     (Grabs New Man and pulls him back) Wait! Who are you going to pray to?

NEW MAN:    God of course. Who else? Why?

OLD MAN:     When you go pray to God, don’t you feel like you’re talking to a wall? What you need is someone you can talk to… like a girl. How about Becky?

NEW MAN:    I haven’t talked to Becky in a while.

OLD MAN:     Maybe you forgot what she looks like. Here, let me remind you; blonde hair…

NEW MAN:    Blonde hair…

OLD MAN:     Blue eyes…

NEW MAN:    Blue eyes…

OLD MAN:     And perfect teeth!

NEW MAN:    Perfect teeth….

OLD MAN:     Why don’t you call her up and talk to her? Talk to Becky and not God.

NEW MAN:    (Mimes picking up a telephone. Old Man jumps on New Man’s back again) Hello, Becky? (Hangs up phone) Wait a minute! Spend time with Becky, and not with God? No. (Shakes the Old Man off. Old Man falls to the floor) Now, I am going to go read my Bible and pray, so just leave me alone. Okay?

OLD MAN:     Fine. Leave me.

NEW MAN:    Wait. You’re going to leave me alone?

OLD MAN:     Yeah, if you want to be boring. Remember Jimmy? All your friends are going to this party he's throwing tonight. There's gonna be drugs, drinking... girls! The whole shamboozle!

NEW MAN:    I love Shamboozles!

OLD MAN:     Right! So, onward to Jimmy's house! (jumps on New Man's back)

NEW MAN:    (realizes) Wait a minute. No!

OLD MAN:     (falls off and to the ground)

NEW MAN:    No! No! No! I am not going to allow this anymore. I am a new creation in Christ and the old things – that’s you – have passed away. Now you play dead and leave me alone! (exits)

OLD MAN:     I hate it when he says that.