Let Us Pray
(A southern woman stands waiting for her friend. Friend walks in.)
BRITTANY: Well, hey there, Miss Micah.
MICAH: Hi, miss Brittany. You just look so lovely today.
BRITTANY: Oh this old thing? I only wear it when I don’t care how I look!
MICAH: Obviously. Now, Miss Brittany, I called you over here for a very important reason!
MICAH: We need to pray for this church!
BRITTANY: Alrighty, let us pray!
MICAH: But before we do, don't you wanna know why? (Micah looks over her shoulder to see if anyone is around. She lowers her voice) Did you hear about Mrs. Jenny?
BRITTANY: Lord have mercy, no, I have not!
MICAH: Well, (They both close their eyes and raise a hand in prayer) bless her soul! Bless her soul for she is just a precious as the diamonds on queen Elizabeths crown!
MICAH: But she has fallen into the ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN!
BRITTANY: Not the arms of another man!
MICAH: Yes, the arms of another man! You didn’t hear this from me, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with her clinical depression. Oh here she comes now!
(Both of them smile and wave as invisible Jenny passes by.)
BOTH: Heeeeey, Mrs. Jenny!
BRITTANY: We’re praying for you!
MICAH: You look just gorgeous today, hunny. Alright, bye now. (Micah's pose switches dramatically) Did you see her face!?!
BRITTANY: Yes, I saw her face!
MICAH: Now that was just the face of depression!
BRITTANY: Not the face of depression.
MICAH: It’s just like the devil has his leathery talons curled up in a fist and beating her face over, and over, and over again!
BRITTANY: Oh my! We really should pray!
MICAH: Yes, but, it's not entirely her fault. (Micah looks around to see if anyone can hear) Did you hear about her kids now?
BRITTANY: Oh no, Lord have mercy, I have not!
MICAH: Well, bless their souls! (They begin to pray) Bless their souls for they are just as sweet as a cup of an ice cold Texas sweet tea!
BRITTANY: Delicious yes!
MICAH: But they are hooligans, I tell you!
BRITTANY: Ahhh, not hooligans!
MICAH: Yes, hooligans! Headed down the path of destruction!
BRITTANY: Not the path of destruction!
MICAH: When you say it, you say it right. The path of destruction! They going down, down, down the slippery slope right down to Hades itself!
BRITTANY: Well, we really should pray on behalf of all of them!
MICAH: Oh, here they come now!
(They both smile and wave as the invisible kids pass by.)
BOTH: Heeeyyy, children.
MICAH: You all just look lovely today, kids. . . Watch yourself. . . Oh, so cute and well mannered. . .
BRITTANY: Oh, there is so many of them. There's Billy and Bobby and Susy and Judy and Georgina and Sarah and oh! Where'd that little red headed one come from?
MICAH: (starts fake crying) Why must we blame the young?
BRITTANY: We should pray for them.
MICAH: Yes, but it's not entirely there fault now is it?
MICAH: No, someone taught them to be that way. And I know who it is! (looks around) Did you hear about her husband Roger?
BRITTANY: Oh, Lord have mercy, I haven’t. Pray tell!
MICAH: Oh, I will tell you so that we can pray! (They laugh) Bless his heart! (They assume their prayer posture) Bless his heart for he is just like Jesus the carpenter Himself, nailing every board and pew in this here church!
BRITTANY: Yes, he does!
MICAH: But he has fallen into the computer of temptation!
BRITTANY: NOT THE COMPUTER OF TEMPTATION!
MICAH: Yes! He is watching the devil’s counterfeit of love every single night!
BRITTANY: Oh, that is just nasty.
MICAH: Well, it’s not entirely his fault because his wife has fallen into the arms of another man and their kids are hooligans headed down the path of destruction. (She gasps for air) OH, here he comes now!
(They smile and wave at invisible Roger)
BOTH: Heeeeyyy, Roger!
BRITTANY: I heard the pastor's computer is broken. You gonna fix it?
MICAH: Y'all got wifi?
BRITTANY: We're praying for you!
MICAH: AHHHH, DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?
BRITTANY: YES, I SAW HIS FACE!
MICAH: I hate to spread ugly rumors around and all, since I'm so pretty. But Miss Brittany, he gave you the old UP AND DOWN!
BRITTANY: Not the up and down! I have been used as a tool for the devil! I will button my collar to the top, Lord!
MICAH: And we rebuke it in the name of Jesus! That was the very face of an unsaved man!
BRITTANY: Not the face of an unsaved man!
MICAH: Now we REALLY must pray.
BRITTANY: Um, Miss Micah, I hate to interrupt our prayer meeting-
MICAH: Then don't.
BRITTANY: But um, aren’t we, uh, gossiping?
MICAH: (gasps) Gossiping?!
BRITTANY: Yes, gossiping!
MICAH: Oh no, hunny, where I come from, we call these, prayer requests!