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IDLE NEWS

Micah Acker + Nick Claudio + Chris Wineland

 

(News music plays. There is a desk with two news anchors. There is a phone on the desk.)

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VOICE OVER MIC: Do-do-do-do-do-do-do I D L E Idle News!

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NICK:       Thanks for tuning into I.D.L.E. Idle news.

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MICAH:    The news inside your brain. Keeping your mind entertained while you're idle.

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NICK:        I’m your co-host, Nick.

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MICAH:    And I’m your co-host, Micah. Isn’t it a great day Nick?

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NICK:        It is indeed, Micah. A great day to sit down and do nothing. 

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MICAH:    Nothing is our speciality. Speaking of special-TEA, we had a delicious chai tea latte. 

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NICK:        What was the secret ingredient? We’ll let you know as soon as we figure it out.  What’s our next piece of news there Nick?

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MICAH:    You mean Micah?

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NICK:       No, I was asking myself. (answers himself) Thanks for asking Nick. Oh you're so welcome (handsome or beautiful). Our next topic is the cat video you’ve been watching all night.

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MICAH:    That adorable 3 second video of a cat playing guitar. 

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NICK:        Let’s take a look.

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(both look off to the side)

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VOICE OVER MIC: Meow.

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(both laugh at the same time)

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NICK:        (laughing) That’s just adorable.

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MICAH:    Oh it’s so cute, we could watch it all night.

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NICK:        And we did! But instead of watching a cat video, today we’re going to binge on movies. The question is, which movies do we want to waste our day on?

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(While Nick is listing the genres of movies, someone runs and slips Micah a piece of paper. Micah is immediately alarmed)

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MICAH:    Sorry to interrupt Nick. It’s urgent news. We’ve just been given a call from God.

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NICK:       What? Let me see that. (reads the note) Wow. I can’t believe we have a calling… (thinks for a second) wait a second. This is pretty random. This has to be a prank. 

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MICAH:    It does?

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NICK:       Yep. Sorry Micah but you just fell for a prank. We get random thoughts in the brain all the time. This is just another one of those random thoughts.

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(Just then a guy runs up and slips Micah another note)

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MICAH:    Uh Nick we have another note.

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NICK:       Let me see this.

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(Nick picks up the note and reads it out loud)

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NICK:        (reads) this is not just another one of those random thoughts. This is an actual calling.

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MICAH:    (out to audience) Breaking news: God has given us a calling.

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NICK:        Not so fast Micah. Have you looked at this calling?

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MICAH:    Well yeah, a little bit.

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NICK:       We’re not qualified to do this. We don't--(stage whisper) we don’t know how to do any of that.

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MICAH:    Well, we can learn. Maybe we can take a class..

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NICK:       With what money? We’re broke!

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(guy slips paper) 

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MICAH:    This just in.

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NICK:        Ahhh, let me read it. (reads deadpan) God will provide the money.

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MICAH:    In case you’re just tuning in, God has given us a calling and will provide the resources to make it happen.

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NICK:       (frustrated) We don’t know that for a fact.

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(guy runs in with another paper, giving it to Micah, she looks over to Nick) 

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NICK:        Don’t do it. (Micah stops, then slowly starts to continue) HEY I said no! (Micah stops, then slowly starts to open it) STOP! Stop it! (Micah rips it open)

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MICAH:    (gasp) It’s a fact!!

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NICK:        Stop it okay. Think about it. Having a calling from God, any calling from God, that would mean we’d have to change everything. We’d have to make sacrifices. We would actually have to stop being idle.

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MICAH:    Are you saying you don't believe this is a calling from God (getting a little more serious) or you just don't want it to be.

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NICK:       (caught in truth) I-uh… Look, all we’ve gotten is notes. Now if I had more proof than I’d be all about this calling.

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MICAH:    Really? 

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NICK:        Yeah. Sure. But we don’t have any more proof than just a couple of thoughts.

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VOICE OVER MIC: RING RING, RING RING

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(guy with the notes runs in freaked out holding their phone out showing there is a call from God)

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MICAH:    The phone’s ringing. (Micah reaches over to grab the phone)

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NICK:        Don’t answer!

(These next few lines are overlapping)

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MICAH:    But we’ve never got a call like this before. I think we need to-

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NICK:       (to audience) Uh that’s all the time we have for today. 

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MICAH:    Answer the phone-We are being called we need to answer!

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NICK:       (talking louder) Thanks for tuning in! Cue the music!

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(All three freeze as the music starts, Micah reaching towards the phone, the guy starting to hand over the phone and Nick trying to stop them)

VOICE OVER MIC: Do-do-do-do-do-do-do I D L E Idle News!

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THE END

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