How To Pray
Chris Wineland + Micah Acker
(A couple are sitting in church. The guy is asleep while the girl is praying)
BETHANY: Amen, Pastor!
DILLON: (wakes up, maybe yawning) Yeah, Amen.
BETHANY: Wasn’t service so lovely today, honey?
DILLON: Uh huh... yeah.
BETHANY: Well, my parents invited us to lunch, we should get going.
(Bethany stands up and starts to walk away, Josiah follows and stops her)
DILLON: Babe, before we go, there’s something I need to tell you…
BETHANY: Well, what is it?...Is it me?
DILLON: No, it’s not you.
BETHANY: Is it my hair?
DILLON: No, your hair is fine.
BETHANY: Is it my unibrow?
DILLON: Oh wow, that is… (stuttering) eh, ahh, ohh, (brushing it off) but no it’s not.
BETHANY: Well, you know you can tell me anything!
DILLON: Ok, well (beat) I don’t know how to pray!
BETHANY: What do you mean? We pray every Sunday!
DILLON: Well, that’s usually my nap time..
BETHANY: WHAT?! How can you possibly nap?!
DILLON: Well, it’s because Pastor usually tells us to (lowers and slows down voice) bow our heads and close our eyes (starts to fall asleep) (normal voice) and that’s how I usually fall asleep.
BETHANY: That is ridiculous! You know what? I can teach you! It’s super easy! Here, let’s just sit down and I can teach you!
DILLON: Okay, awesome!
BETHANY: Okay, so when you pray it’s just having a conversation with God, like how you talk to me! It’s just that easy. Try it!
DILLON: Like a conversation with you? Ok, I’ll try it! Alright umm… Hey, Babe! You look beautiful! No, that dress doesn’t make you look fat - (this part is up to improv)
BETHANY: You can’t talk to God like that!
DILLON: What? Why not?! You told me to talk to him like how I talk to you!!
BETHANY: He’s God! Come to him with more reverence. Say something like Dear God or Father God! Something other than ‘Babe.’
DILLON: Okay, well I can do that.
BETHANY: Let’s just try this again…
DILLON: Okay... Well um... Dear God, Father.... Well, that’s all I learned so, peace out!
DILLON: What?! What?!
BETHANY: Come on now! You’ve greeted him, now try THANKING him for
DILLON: Ok, well you never said that, so now I’ll try that! Ok.. Dear God…. Thank you for… everything? Amen!
DILLON: What?! What am I doing wrong?!
BETHANY: It’s not that you’re doing it wrong, you’re just not doing it right!
DILLON: Ugh, you always say that!
BETHANY: Anyway, you’ve greeted Him, thanked Him, now confess your sins and ASK Him for something!
DILLON: Wait, I can ASK him for something?!
BETHANY: Yes, of course, He wants to be there for you!
DILLON: Wow, well now this changes everything! (gets serious) Dear God, thank you for everything, I’m sorry for all those things I did last week. You know what they are. ANYWAY, I only wanna ask for one thing. God, just let my team win! They’re so bad, God! Just let them win! (stands up and acts out different football moves) Bless their hands to catch the ball, give them fast feet THEY CAN GET TOUCHDOWNS!
(Bethany when she realizes Josiah is praying only for his team interrupts his prayer by saying his name)
DILLON: What?! What’s wrong this time?!
BETHANY: You can’t just ask for your team to win!
DILLON: What? Why? Where was that in the rulebook?
BETHANY: There is no rulebook! It's just common sense!
DILLON: You know I lost that years ago!
BETHANY: You know what? Let’s try this ONE more time! Just copy what I do.
DILLON: Why didn't you do that in the first place? Just do what you do. Got it.
BETHANY: Yes. Exactly what I do! (sighs). Dear God, thank you for this amazing day and the amazing service and my amazing boyfriend! I pray that you help me and my mom as we go shopping and help us to get all the great deals and coupons! In your name, AMEN! There! See? Easy!
DILLON: Just like that?
DILLON: If you say so... Dear God, thank you for this amazing day and the amazing service and my amazing boyfriend! I pray that you help me and my mom as we go shopping and help us to get all the great deals and coupons! In your name, AMEN! You know what? That was easy! (notices Pastor) Hey Pastor! Wait a minute. Let me pray for you!