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How To Pray

Chris Wineland + Micah Acker

 

(Boy and girl sitting in church)

 

BETHANY:    Amen, Pastor!

 

DILLON:       (wakes up)

 

BETHANY:    Wasn’t service so lovely today, honey?

 

DILLON:       Uh huh... yeah.

 

BETHANY:    Well, my parents invited us to lunch, we should get going.

 

DILLON:       Babe, before we go, there’s something I need to tell you…

 

BETHANY:    Well, what is it?...Is it me?

 

DILLON:       No, it’s not you.

 

BETHANY:    Is it my hair?

 

DILLON:       No, your hair is fine.

 

BETHANY:    Is it my unibrow?

 

DILLON:       Oh wow, that is… that is interesting, but no it’s not.

 

BETHANY:    Well, you know you can tell me anything!

 

DILLON:       Ok, well.. I don’t know how to pray!

 

BETHANY:    What do you mean? We pray every time we go to church on Sunday!

 

DILLON:       Well, that’s usually my nap time..

 

BETHANY:    WHAT?! How can you possibly nap through that?!

 

DILLON:       Well, it’s because Pastor usually tells us to bow our heads and close our

eyes, and well, that’s how I usually fall asleep.

 

BETHANY:    That is ridiculous! You know what? I can teach you! It’s super easy! Here, let’s just sit down and I can teach you!

 

DILLON:       Okay, awesome!

BETHANY:    Okay, so when you pray it’s just having a conversation with God, like how you talk to me! It’s just that easy. Try it!

 

DILLON:       Like a conversation with you? Ok, I’ll try it! Alright umm… Hey, Babe! You look beautiful! No, that dress doesn’t make you look fat - (this part is up to improv)

 

BETHANY:    Dillon!

 

DILLON:       What?!

 

BETHANY:    You can’t talk to God like that!

 

DILLON:       What? Why not?! You told me to talk to him like how I talk to you!!

 

BETHANY:    He’s God! Come to him with more reverence. Say something like Dear God or Father God!

 

DILLON:       Ok, well you never said that!

 

BETHANY:    Let’s just try this again…

 

DILLON:       Ok… Well um… Dear God…. Well, that’s all I learned so, peace out!

 

BETHANY:    Dillon!

 

DILLON:       What?! What?!

 

BETHANY:    Come on now! You’ve greeted him, now try THANKING him for

something!

 

DILLON:       Ok, well you never said that, so now I’ll try that! Ok.. Dear God…. Thank you for… everything. Alright peace out!

 

BETHANY:    Dillon!

 

DILLON:       What?! What am I doing wrong?!

 

BETHANY:    It’s not that you’re doing it wrong, you’re just not doing it right!

 

DILLON:       Ugh, you say that about everything!

 

BETHANY:    Aaagh! Ok, you’ve greeted him, thanked him, now confess your sins and ASK him for something!

 

DILLON:       I can ASK him for something?!

 

BETHANY:    Yes, of course, he wants to be there for you!

 

DILLON:       Wow, well this changes EVERYTHING! Ok well… Dear God, thank you for everything, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done and uh, I only wanna ask for one thing. God, just let my team win! They’re so bad, God! Just let them win! Bless their hands to catch the ball, give him fast feet!!

 

BETHANY:    (interrupting throughout prayer then shouts name!)

 

DILLON:       What?! I knew you were gonna interrupt me again! What’s wrong this time?!

 

BETHANY:    You can’t just ask for your team to win!

 

DILLON:       What? Why? Where was that in the rulebook?

 

BETHANY:    There is no rulebook! It's just common sense!

 

DILLON:       Well, honey that left me years ago!

 

BETHANY:    Ok, you know what? Let’s try this ONE more time! I will do it, and then you just do what I do!

 

DILLON:       Ok, well this would’ve saved a lot of time and embarrassment! Just do

what you do?

 

BETHANY:    YES! Just do what I do! Ok (sigh). Dear God, thank you for this amazing

day and the amazing service. Thank you for my amazing boyfriend! I pray that you help me and my mom as we go shopping and help us to get all the great deals and coupons! In your name, AMEN! There! See? Easy!

 

DILLON:        And just do what you do?

 

BETHANY:    Yep!

 

DILLON:       Ok… Dear God, thank you for this amazing day and the amazing service. Thank you for my amazing boyfriend! I pray that you help me and my mom as we go shopping and help us to get all the great deals and coupons! In your name, AMEN! You know what? That was easy! I don’t know why that seemed so hard! Well, I’m gonna go say bye to Pastor! Hey, Pastor! Wait up! 

THE END