Covenant Family Feud
1st Gen Rewrite
Scripture: John 16:23-24, Hebrews 8:6
Characters: 5 - Mr. Lucky, Hannah (Christian), Ben, Jessica & Andrea (Worldlies Family)
Setting: Game Show
Mr. Lucky: Welcome to Covenant Family Feud! The only game show where families get to fight over the covenant promises of God. I’m your host, Mr. Lucky. Let’s play the feud! Please welcome all the way from the Sodom, the Gomorrah’s – Jessica, Ben, and Andrea! And going against them all the way from Mt. Zion . . . Utah, the Christian family. Hannah, it seems like you are all alone to fend for yourself.
Hannah: (shrugs) eh, I guess so.
Mr. Lucky: Right. So, what do you say we start the game! Come on down, Ben and Hannah! (Lucky shakes hands with Ben, Hannah tries to shake his hand, but he just ignores her) You both know the rules. 100 “wordly’ families surveyed and the top answer is on the big board. (motions above and behind their backs and everyone looks up at it). If you match it correctly, you’ll hear this. (ding) If you miss it, you’ll hear this. (buzz) The family with the most matches wins! Let’s start with our first question. (Ben and Hannah raise their hands as if a buzzer is in front of them) The first covenant promise we’ll be playing for is on the topic of financial prosperity.
Hannah: I know I’ve got this because Philippians states that the Lord will supply all my needs. (the worldlies cringe)
Mr. Lucky: (noticeably fake and irritated smile) We’ll see, we’ll see… Here’s the first question. You’re walking down the street and a man in front of you drops a $10 bill. What do you do? (Hannah buzzes in quickly) Okay Hannah! What’s your answer?
Hannah: I pick it up and return it!
Mr. Lucky: We will see if it’s up there. Pick it up and give it back to him… survey saysssss… (buzzer noise) Ohhhh! Looks like the worldly family has the chance to steal the answer, Ben?
Ben: (biker gangster vibes) That’s easy, I’d pocket the money, then I’d follow him, knock him out, and take the rest of his cash… and I’d use the money to buy a puppy. I’m kind of a softy for those!
Mr. Lucky: Puppies? (tearing up) I am a softy too, it’s okay man. I love those little fireballs!
Ben: Don’t you mean “Furr balls,” Mr. Lucky?
Mr. Lucky: Yeah that’s what is said! Moving along now… Let’s see, “pocket the money, follow him, mug him” survey says... DING, DING, DING and the covenant promise of financial prosperity is yours!
Hannah: Wait, what? That’s not scriptural!
Mr. Lucky: Doesn’t your book say, “blessed are the poor in spirit?” Moving on! The next covenant promise you will be playing for is divine healing! (Hannah and Jessica put hands over the buzzers to get ready) Here’s the question... Oh! What’s that judges? (beat) The judges say there is a new rule. Hannah, you have to put your hands behind your back!
Hannah: But I won’t be able to reach the buzzer fast enough!
Mr. Lucky: Hannah, you don’t want to be rebellious, do you? Doesn’t your book say to submit to your leaders? (Hannah, disappointed, puts hands behind her back) Here’s the question. If a member of your family gets very sick, what do you do? (Jessica looks confused and Hannah buzzes first) Alright, what’s your answer?
Hannah: Pray and believe God for healing.
Mr. Lucky: Pray for them… survey says… (buzz) OHHH! The worldlies have a chance to KILL this question, Jessica?
Jessica: First, I’d check the will to see what I get when they’re gone, then I’d pull the plug!
Mr. Lucky: All right, let’s see. Check the will and then pull the plug, survey says … DING, DING, DING Winner of this round is the Worldly Family.
Hannah: Wait, what?! Is there not even a moral code? How is this scriptural?
Mr. Lucky: Well, that’s not what the survey says so… On with the game! Here’s our last question for the covenant promise of joy. Where do--- (hand to ear) what’s that judges? Okay, I’ll tell her. (hand down) Hannah, we have a new rule. Turn around.
Hannah: But I can’t even see the buzzer then!
Mr. Lucky: This is a new rule! And look at her (pointing at Andrea) she’s just a little, tiny, eensy, weensy little girl! She can hardly reach the buzzer. You don’t need an advantage over her. (Hannah turns around) Here’s the question. Where do you find joy? (Hannah whips around and buzzes in first) What’s your answer?
Hannah: Staying consistent in the word and worshipping even in hard times.
Mr. Lucky: All right, reading that book and worshipping. Survey says. . . (Buzz) Oooh. Andrea now has a chance to DESTROY the competition. Your answer?
Andrea: Definitely sleeping in, finding cute deals at Plato’s Closet AND PUPPIES! They give me joy.
Mr. Lucky: (emotional) I love those little fireballs, I MEAN FUR. FUR BALLS. Furballs. Okay, sleeping in, deals and puppies. Survey says? (DING) Top answer on the board! The Worldlies Family has just won the Feud (Worldlies Family cheers)!
Hannah: How did I not get that? The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Mr. Lucky: Well you’re a sinner, so you don’t deserve joy.
Hannah: What? Who are you to tell me I don’t deserve joy?
Mr. Lucky: Haven’t you been listening? I am Mr. Lucky!
Hannah: No, that’s not what I mean. That name sounds fake!
Mr. Lucky: Well, it’s a nickname.
Hannah: For what?
Mr. Lucky: It’s short for Lucifer
Hannah: Ah, now it makes sense—You’re Satan, the father of lies!
Mr. Lucky: Well, I wouldn’t go that far—More like the exaggerator of truth. Besides, it doesn’t make a difference who I am, these are MY covenant promises and I’ll do with them what I want.
Hannah: Play your game how you want but scripture says the victory is mine through Jesus Christ (Worldlies & Mr. Lucky scream and get scared) What’s wrong with you? I am only talking about Jesus. (all scream again, Hannah mocking them) AWWW little baby Satan scared? (beat) Jesus (scream) Jesus (screams) JESUS! (the worldlies / Mr. Lucky really freaking out and cowering) I know what’s mine so give me back my prosperity, my health, my joy in JESUS name (Ben, Jessica & Andrea run off stage)!
Mr. Lucky: (toddler hissy fit) No! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! THOSE ARE MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!!! You- you give them back to me now!! Or … Or I’mma kill you! I’m gonna sic my furballs, I MEAN FIREBALLS ON YOU!
Hannah: You can try but you won’t succeed.
Mr. Lucky: (toddler like still) Yes, I am! I’m gonna take them from you—
Hannah: No, you’re not in Jesus’ name!
Mr. Lucky: No, don’t say that!
Hannah: And in Jesus’ name I have all power and authority over you. I am victorious in this life! (walks behind Lucky) The word says, every knee shall bow (kick back of knee) and every tongue shall confess (Mr. Lucky tries to get back up, but Hannah pushes him down by the shoulder) what is it that we’re going to say Devil? Come on, say it!
Mr. Lucky: Jesus is Lord! (Mr. Lucky immediately crumbles to the ground in a bowing/fetal position)
Hannah: (standing strong) That’s right, Jesus Christ is Lord!