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Playing House

1st Gen.

HUSBAND:    Hi, honey. I’m home.

WIFE:             Hey, dear. Have a nice day at work?

HUSBAND:    Not really. I had to fire someone today.

WIFE:             That’s nice, dear.

HUSBAND:    (agitated) Oh, brother... you got my dinner?

WIFE:             It’s right here, I made your favorite tonight, spaghetti and meatballs! 

HUSBAND:    Aww, honey, c'mon. That’s the third time this week, use your imagination would ya?

WIFE:             You think you're exaggerating just a little bit?

HUSBAND:    Maybe. OKAY. I’m sorry. (Pushes food away) You got my newspaper?

 

WIFE:             It’s right here. Oh honey! I was looking through the paper today and I saw this gorgeous dress, oh here it is! See it? I just GOT to have that dress!

 

HUSBAND:    Huhuhoney, you can’t have that new dress, because the money that I make, I need to buy parts for the car out in the garage. Huh uhh?

 

WIFE:             Anytime we get any extra money around here it goes to you and that stupid ole car! You never buy anything for me anymore.

 

HUSBAND:    Well, that’s because I earn it! And you don’t! 

 

WIFE:              You earn it, huh?

 

HUSBAND:    That’s right! 

 

WIFE:             What do you think I do, huh?  I’m The one who stays here all day. Cooking your meals, cleaning your clothes, taking care of your kids! What do you call that? Recreation?

 

HUSBAND:    You know something? Maybe you outta get that new dress! Always walking around with that stupid bathrobe, no make up on your face, I want a beautiful wife!

 

WIFE:             It’s you! You come home all greased up and grimey, who am I supposed get dressed up for huh, doctor oz on the tv?

 

HUSBAND:    Oh, oh, oh, tv now? Tv now, huh? What about vacation last year?

 

WIFE:             WHAAAATABOUTIT?

 

HUSBAND:    All you ever did was sit in this stupid chair watching your stupid shows! What about that huhuhuh?

 

WIFE:             It was a little more interesting than you! I wanted to go see the sights on my vacation but noooo, you wouldn’t even take me.

 

HUSBAND:    You wanna go see the sights? 

 

WIFE:              Yeah, I do! 

 

HUSBAND:    Then go.

 

WIFE:              (getting emotional) Well, maybe I will! And maybe I’ll take somebody with me. What do you think about that?

 

HUSBAND:    (getting worked up.) Yeah? YEAH? YEAH? Well, you know what I want?

 

WIFE:             What?

 

HUSBAND:    I WANT A DIVORCE!

 

WIFE:             Well, that’s just fine because I want one too! 

 

HUSBAND:    Well, I want one more than you.

 

WIFE:             I want one!

 

HUSBAND:    I want one! 

 

WIFE:             I want one.

 

(Playfully hitting)

 

HUSBAND:    I want one.

 

WIFE:             I want one. 

 

BOTH:           Ehhh, I want one.

HUSBAND:    SHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh! We might wake up mommy and daddy.

 

WIFE:             Oh, big deal. We’re just playing house, just like they do. 

 

HUSBAND:    Yeah. 

THE END