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Chris Wineland + Dillon Heiserman




CHRIS:       Dillon?

DILLON:    Chris?! Hey!

CHRIS:       Hey, Dill! Man, it’s been forever.


DILLON:    I know, it’s been so long. How’ve you been?


CHRIS:       Good! (Notices the surrounding) Where are we?


DILLON:    I have no idea. So weird. The last thing I remember, a car just swerved, and I saw a bright light.


CHRIS:       No way! The last thing I remember was a cow chasing me and I saw a bright light


(They slowly look at each other)


BOTH:       We’re dead!


CHRIS:       Oh… (realizes) I died by a cow. Oh great! Now my tomb stone’s going to say, “death by Cow.”


DILLON:    Oh, come on, your family won’t do that to you.

CHRIS:       You’re right… They’re going to write much worse things. They’re going to say I was lactose intolerant.


(Dillon laughs)


CHRIS:       That’s not funny.


DILLON:    That’s a good one.


CHRIS:       It doesn’t matter now.


DILLON:    Yeah, it’s not like you’re there. It’s all a moo point. (Starts laughing)


CHRIS:       Are you done?


DILLON:    Yeah, I won’t milk it. (Half chuckle)


(Chris looks around)


CHRIS:       Hey, you know what’s kind of cool about this? This is just like what we learned in our one bible class.


DILLON:    Oh, I remember that class! That’s where we met. We thought professor Wright was crazy.

CHRIS:       Yeah, but he described this judgment place to the T. Turns out Wright was not wrong.


DILLON:    Yeah, even down to the goats and sheep metaphor. There’s two lines of people, and like how one group goes into heaven, the other group doesn’t. (slows down a lot and follows the line from the throne all the in-between them as he says) And the only thing separating them was a line... right... down... the middle.


(Both stop talking and look down at their feet. It occurs to them where the stand. One on each side of the room. They look back up)

BOTH:       Oh no.


DILLON:    Do you think that this line is solid, or would you think it’s like flexible? Like could I move it?


CHRIS:       I don’t know. I mean does that mean that one of us is the sheep and one of us is the goats?


DILLON:    If you look at the facts there is two lines here. We’re in two separate groups. So, I’m not saying it but one of us (heavily hinting at Chris) is the goat.


CHRIS:       I know exactly what you mean. I mean one of us definitely is. I mean you know… Cows don’t chase goats…


DILLON:    They don’t chase sheep either.


CHRIS:       Yeah, well… Look at the group I have.


DILLON:    Okay. let’s look (looks up and down the line then points) see that man over there. He has a six-foot beard and he’s covered in tattoos. (look at his then points down the line) Look at this sweet elderly woman I have over here. That sweet woman is so kind.


CHRIS:       Actually, yeah she does look very kind… (Answers to elderly woman) Hi. No, I don’t need a quarter. (to self) Why would she give me a quarter? She’s adorable. (quickly changes tone) You are a goat. Look if it’s between me and you, clearly, I’m a sheep.


DILLON:    Why would you be a sheep?


CHRIS:       Because I’m taller. I am closer to God


DILLON:    Well, seeing as I am short that make me lower aka humble and the Bible says that the lord loves the low and humble. 


CHRIS:       But… (has an idea) Wait… What am I? What am I?


DILLON:    (thinks) You’re a goat.


CHRIS:       (Eggs him on) Yeah! Keep saying it. Because in the scriptures the goats don’t think their goats.


DILLON:    (Gasp) No, no, no. I’m the goat!


CHRIS:       No, no, no! I’m a goat!


DILLON:    No, you’re not. You’re a sheep.


CHRIS:       Look at that elderly lady. She’s a sheep!


DILLON:    She is a… Goat in sheep’s clothing. She’s a goat!


(They go back and forth making goat and sheep sounds then they both stop and look forward. They walk a little forward)


CHRIS:       (whispers) It’s Jesus


DILLON:    I know.


(Dillon and Chris Follow along with their eyes. Following God, their body shifts to stage left. Suddenly they realize they’re in the same line.)


CHRIS:       Hey, we’re on the same side. And we’re on the right side!


DILLON:    The right side is the side of the sheep. Wait he’s moving.


(Dillon and Chris follow again shifting their body back in the place they were. They are back in two different lines.)


DILLON:    Wait…. This means I’m a goat?


CHRIS:       That doesn’t make sense! How are you a goat? You were in ministry longer than I was.


DILLON:    Feeding the homeless, serving at churches, setting up and taking down events.


CHRIS:       We shared the gospel with anyone who listened to us. A lot of people got saved.


DILLON:    I got so many people saved. I opened my house. People stole from me and I forgave them. I gave up so much for ministry.


CHRIS:       I don’t think it’s about how much you give up.


DILLON:    There’s another question. Why are you over there? You quit ministry.


CHRIS:       I didn't quit, I took a break. My life was a mess. The only time I looked like I had it all together was on stage preaching. I

was obsessed with my ministry, but I didn’t love God anymore. I took a break to get back to Him.


DILLON:    Well, that’s just great! You know the homeless didn’t take a break? I had to pick up for your slack. And you even had the guts to tell me to quit.


CHRIS:       Not quit; Step back. You were in the same boat as me.


DILLON:    There’s nothing wrong with ministry.


CHRIS:       No, of course not. But when you stop spending time with God, you’re doing it for the love of ministry. Not for the love of God.


DILLON:    But I still did it! Even when you stopped I did it! Even when my family hated me I did it! Who cares if I didn’t “Love” God towards the end! I built the kingdom!


CHRIS:       Who’s kingdom?




(He realizes the honesty that escaped him. Chris is now bowed out with Dillon now looking out towards the audience as though God is standing there.)


DILLON:    (Sorrow haunts his face) God? (A moment of silence as he listens to what God is saying) What… What do you mean, ‘you never knew me’?”


(Dillon bows out)



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